Don’t force happiness

It’s fairly normal hearing people say to anyone who’s undergoing pain to just move on. “Don’t torture yourself”, “smile”, “stop being sad”. And there we go, on a voyage to pretend everything is fine and okay. Numbing becomes our coping mechanism. Smiling over our frowns and faking our power on our feelings. We might be shattering inside but the world has no idea, because the etiquette is to appear happy. Not doing so might be too unpleasant to others and come on, it’s rude. So please compose yourself. We do a fine job about it really, to the extend of fooling our own selves. Hardly do we realize the heavy load of feelings we carry with us until one day we explode, out of nowhere and without a reason. And then we recognize a wound or two, and the holes in our souls become incalculable. It’s an unstoppable rockslide that was going to collapse inevitably, it was just a matter of time.

The advice here is not to avoid it, whatever may come your way and however painful. Don’t run away from it. Face it, embrace it. It is not here to stay forever. Like Rainer Maria Rilke says,

“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final”.

When you are sad, stop trying to be happy. Faking a smile and pretending pain isn’t pulsating through your veins won’t cease it. Stop neglecting your emotions. Even those that hurt need to be heard. Grief needs to escape, to circulate. Evading it will only boil a pot of fiery misery. Let the heartache exist for a moment. Give it it’s space, respect it. And slowly exhale it out with every inhale. Consolation will come eventually, undoubtedly. It always does. The ache, you’ll become tired of it. It will alone say it’s goodbyes and move onward without you. You’ll feel relief. So Suddenly and without knowing the exact moment the agony left your body or how’d it even happen. It just will.

So stop demanding laughter. Doing so will only be a reminder that it’s missing. Of how bad the lesion hurts.

Stop trying to be happy when you’re sad, remember that all that happens, needs to. The black and the white and the grey in between. That’s how all stories are made. The somber is an essential element too. Feel it all, the smiles and the tears and the rapture and the grief. It all goes in full circle. Without the night we wouldn’t appreciate the stars, and the rainbow only comes after the storm. So trust your capability to endure, and release your fear of feeling hurt. It is not a weakness but rather solid strength.




Discovering myself and writing about it in the process.

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Nadia Lozano

Nadia Lozano

Discovering myself and writing about it in the process.

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